Characters At The Gym

I *LOVE* watching all the characters at Planet Fitness while I'm working out. There is terrible cell phone reception at the gym and my Pandora bites it all the time. Normally, I would just watch one of the 14 tvs that they have running, but even that gets boring sometimes. My newest favorite hobby is to observe all the weirdos (characters) while I'm running. It is a good way to pass the time while I'm banging out a 5+ mile run. Here are some of my favorites to date:

Mullet/Rat Tail and Short Shorts Man (MRT/SSM): This guy has a mullet AND a rat tail. I didn't even know that was possible. Some hybrids are meant to be. Like peanut butter and chocolate. Edamame and beer. Cheese and wine. Combos that work. This ain't one of them. 

 

like a boss

MRT/SSM also wears the shortest shorts ever. Well, maybe not ever, but every other person in the gym is always on the verge of an unsolicited nut show. Seriously, buddy, lock it up because no one wants to see your boys while you are doing sun salutations on the floor mats.

 

oh hey John Stockton...nice gams!

Jeans On The Elliptical Girl (JOTEG): What in holy hell would possess anyone to wear jeans at the gym? I. Don't. Get. It. Isn't it hot? Wouldn't there be chafing? Do you change after you leave the gym or just go about your business in your sweaty jeans...or do you have a pair of fancy sweatpants for doing your errands? 

 

not JOTEG, but she's not even wearing shoes!!!

JOTEG likes her jeans in a capri style as well. She is a bigger girl. She has some meat on her bones. Like a bear prepping for winter - meat. So the jeans were tight and there was some...issues:

 

heh

 

double heh

The jean capris were bad enough, but JOTEG's top was something else. I would describe it as "lingerie" if that wasn't insulting to all forms of lingerie. The icing on the cake was that she was on the phone 85-90% of the time she was on the elliptical. Real cool. I'm sure whatever business meeting you were having with your cats was real important and couldn't wait.

 

P.S. You look like a butthole

Roid Rage Psychopath (RRP): I'm not saying that everyone that has big muscles is on steroids. I know that working out a lot and eating a boatload of protein and following strict programs/diets can get you similar results. What I am saying is that this particular guy at my particular gym looks like he carries around a few viles of juice in his gym bag. RRP is also REALLY tan. RRP also has a lot of tattoos. RRP also appears to enjoy hair gel. A lot. In fact, he looks like a cast reject from this:

 

G.T.L

Wondering where the psychopath portion of RRP moniker comes from? Well, besides looking f'n crazy. He was also walking around the gym in between reps, cocking his imaginary gun and aiming/firing at people. You know, casual like.

Lurker McCreeperson (LM): I'm pretty sure this guy doesn't actually work out. He just is creepy. And stalker-esque. (Man, I love making up words). He sits on a machine and then just kind of eye ball harasses everyone in the gym. Sure, guys check out girls and girls check out guys...and sometimes girls check out girls and guys check out other guys, but they are subtle. LM looks like he is trying to suck your soul out of your skull with his gaze. You can feel it before you see it.

 

aaaaannnd nightmares

And now that I have searched around for "creepy stares" and "creeper dudes" for about ten minutes to get the perfect creep, I'm totally skeeved out...and late for the gym. Can't wait for tonight's characters welcome episode!